I Stopped Abandoning Myself
I didn’t stop believing in community, I just stopped abandoning myself to prove I belonged.
In January, I took a hiatus without explaining it to anyone. At the time, I wasn’t even sure why myself. On paper, everything was going well. People wanted to join my book club. I was putting out a newsletter every Sunday. I was reviewing books, making content, trying to build community in my area. I was consistent. I was showing up.
And yet, the more I built, the more burnt out I became.
I don’t think people fully understand how difficult it is to create an authentic space where people from different backgrounds can come together and simply enjoy what they love, whether that’s writing, reading, picking up a new hobby, or even playing Dungeons and Dragons. It sounds simple, but it isn’t.
So many of these spaces have been diluted. Trend cycles on social media turn connection into performance. Corporate price gouging has made third spaces harder to access. Algorithms reward noise over nuance. Somewhere along the way, community stopped being about presence and started being about reach.
Lately, it’s been impossible not to notice. I scroll through TikTok or Instagram and see people my age, or younger, openly asking for friendship, for camaraderie, for something real. And while a part of me wants to fix it, another part of me knows I cannot build anything meaningful if I am exhausted.
So I stepped back.
That pause gave me clarity. Starting in February, I want to focus on in-person meetups. Real conversations. Shared tables. Familiar faces. For now, virtual meetups will be minimal. Not because I do not value them, but because I know what I can realistically sustain in this season of my life.
I am no longer interested in building something big just to say it is big. I am not chasing popularity or numbers. I am choosing to build locally, intentionally, and slowly. A small group. A consistent group. A community rooted in presence, not performance.
If that means my circle is smaller, I am okay with that. I am looking for my little tribe, the kind where people are known, not just counted.
Stepping back was not failure. It was self-preservation. Learning how to lead myself, before leading anything else, feels like the most honest foundation I could start from.
If this resonates, I would love to hear from you.
What does meaningful community look like in your current season?
Are you craving something smaller, slower, or more local too?
THIS! I couldn’t articulate it better. I’ve struggled lately with feeling like finding/building my tribe is impossible. Especially locally. The way that I show up for others left me feeling drained because they weren’t showing up, but I was there…I was present. For me, I’m just looking for mutual effort. Plans change…yes. But if it’s always “sorry I can’t make it,” then how can we build that community? I want people that are going to take me out of my comfort zone, introduce me to new things. Introduce me to things you love so that I can show up in your space with respect and intention. I want a community of substance. (I can clearly go on, but I’ve said way more than I anticipated). I hope this season for you, gives you exactly what you’re looking for.
I understand this and it was worded so beautifully! I been craving more smaller circles, slower pace moments. I really believe there is so much beauty in that, taking time we can miss so much in rushing. I’ve also felt it is hard to build that community where it’s moving at a pace that is fits to who I am, doesn’t mean we have to be the same but more like minded people can be a bit hard to find.